Too cold for these dogs

I don’t mean the metaphorical dogs that are my feet. It has to get a good bit colder than single digits to keep me entirely indoors, and I’m confident I’ll reach my daily step goal today (Though I readily admit to bundling up when I go out.)

But for the hound dogs, definitely too cold. The Puppy will go to the back yard ready for a romp with her brother. But the brother, The Beagle, gets only as far as the 4th step down before turning around and heading back to the door. And so back we all go indoors, as the puppy also doesn’t want to be out there without the brother.

Which makes snuggling on the couch all-important. The dogs snuggle together, and they snuggle with whichever human being will sit with them. Usually that’s my husband, but in the early morning hours, when only I and The Puppy are up, I head to the couch so she’ll have company. And occasionally, just occasionally, The Beagle joins us. He’s the one who snores, ever so softly, ever so sweetly. He also leaks out little moans when he’s awake and we pet him. He’s a talker, and I don’t pretend not to love that.

Reading while snuggling

Indoor days are good for cleaning, cooking, and reading. Not in that order. Today I finished devouring Amor Towles’ The Lincoln Highway: 576 pages in three days, not because I’m an amazingly fast or devoted reader but because the story and the characters and the prose just pulled me through. I’m still processing the ending (no spoilers here) but loved every minute of the read.

Dinner will come from the freezer, where I need to free up space for many leftover portions of a delicious ham-and-bean soup filled with more vegetables than you can imagine. That was dinner last night, along with a pound cake that I made intending to share at book club, only to be reminded just before it went into the oven that it requires several hours’ rest after baking. That rendered it moot for book club, which started 1/2 hour after the cake came out of the oven, so that’s something else that needs me to free up freezer space. This is feeling like an endless cycle.

Yesterday’s book club discussion was about Kairos, by Jenny Erpenbeck, which I found both beautifully written and a fascinating look into East Germany just before the fall of the wall, but perfectly excruciating to read because of the utter toxicity of the relationship it centers on. Thumbs up and thumbs down at the same time, if that’s even possible.

Today I’m grateful

  • For Elwood’s snores and moans
  • For jeans loose enough to accommodate leggings
  • For Tess’ crazy eyebrow whiskers

Woodsy, wintery morning

We woke today to a forecast of rainy drizzle. Never one of my favorite weather conditions, it was especially inconvenient on this day because we had promised our dogs much-needed exercise. Our car was in the shop all week, rendering us unable to take the puppas to the woods or the prairie, and neighborhood walks are mere placeholders for them. They love long walks with no traffic nearby, and the beagle lives for the scent of deer.

Having picked the car up from the mechanic too late yesterday to take them anywhere, we really felt we owed them a trip to the woods.

So after feeding all of the household critters while downing only a short portion of our morning coffee, the husband and I piled both dogs into the car and headed for the river path through the woods. There we saw geese, woodpeckers, cardinals, squirrels, and yes…plenty of deer. There’s no sound like the sound of Elwood on the trail of deer, and no frenzy like it, either. He darts to and from, tugging the leash and yelling. The sound that comes out of him is neither bay, nor howl, nor bark, but a unique mixture of the three, and it’s sheer joy for his people.

Tess, the maybe-a-year-old, maybe greyhound-cattle dog mix, is interested in the deer, but not frenzied. I think she cares more about the other dogs, all of whom she wants to be her friends. Alas, she didn’t get to play with any others this morning, but she still had a grand time leading and following her adoptive brother through the woods.

Back home, predictably, they collapsed together in a pile of legs and bellies and heads and fell fast asleep.

If that’s the only good thing that happens all day, it will be enough.

Doggedly bookish


It’s a grateful Sunday. Gray and occasionally misty outdoors, following a day or so of strong but not scary wind, all I believe remnants of Hurricane Helene, which moved so much more quickly than most post-hurricane storm systems. I’m tired of gray, rainy days, but grateful to have my home in tact, no giant limbs ripped from trees, no heartbreak.

A friend in Georgia has heartbreak, a home and yard she loved in tatters, trees through the roof, ceilings collapsed. The home is uninhabitable, probably reparable eventually but currently with no power, a gas leak in the area, and of course that jagged opening to the sky. My friend has decamped to Atlanta, grateful that she, her husband and dog were uninjured, but devastated by this abrupt loss and the uncertainty that is now her world.

Friends in Florida were lucky this time, and they and I are grateful for that. At the same time, we’re reminded again how precarious the world is and especially the climate. We have done this to ourselves, and here in the Midwest it’s still easy—though terribly short-sighted—to not be worried. Our temperatures have risen, spring comes earlier, and here in September the leaves are already falling from some trees. Tornados and other dangerously severe storm systems are more common. It’s not the same climate I grew up in. While it’s a grateful Sunday, it’s also a wary one, worried for friends, worried for our interconnected future.

So I read

Meanwhile, what better to do with gray days that read and cuddle with a dog? I’ve just finished my Roger Angell book (This Old Man), having started down the rabbit hole of other reading it inspired even before closing the cover. I’ve checked one Angell-inspired book out on Hoopla, placed a library hold on another, and read two poems that Angell singled out for praise: Elizabeth Bishop’s “Poem,” and Philip Levine’s “Turkeys.” I confess I don’t yet love either one as much as Angell did. But I’m still re-reading them, and one of Levine’s lines stuck its claws into me instantaneously: “… The next year / spring came late if / at all. …”

Wow.

Wonderland

The rabbit hole already has opened into a warren I might get lost in, as looking for the Bishop poem I chanced on this blog post about it, referencing an essay discussing it in the introduction of a book, and now I also have a blog post and a book introduction to read.

All of which reminds me of something I read not long ago in defense of owning books you might never read, wherein someone made an argument that books aren’t only for reading. That’s right. Discovering books nourishes the soul, too—reading the back cover or the first paragraphs or pages in the book store and having those grab your interest so that you want to read it right then, even if you already have 200 books awaiting your attention, even if after you get it home you never recapture that moment of being thrilled and intrigued and the book ultimately goes unread in your home.

Meanwhile, I’m off to book club in an hour to discuss Dawn Turner’s memoir Three Girls from Bronzeville, which I read shortly after it was published in 2021 and haven’t reread but hope to remember clearly enough to profit from the conversation. On our way to book club, we’ll stop at the library to drop off Roger Angell and pick up the on-hold book it led me to by Donald Barthelme.

Enter Elwood, stage left

Did you notice where I mentioned cuddling with a dog earlier? We said goodbye to our Tank on August 1—I hope one day to be able to write about this, but for now it’s still too raw—and have been living without a dog in the house for the first time in 30 years. That ended last Sunday, when we drove into Chicago and met Duke, a shy 6-year-old beagle. We brought him home on a trial basis—because we have two rabbits (Tank’s best friends) who occupy a hutch in our living room; any dog we bring in has to be able to co-exist—and so far, so good. We believe we are headed toward adoption, in which case Duke will become Elwood. We would not normally rename a 6-year-old dog, but this guy truly does not recognize Duke as his name and responded to Elwood the moment we tried it out.

Already we’re growing attached, both to this sweet beagle and to the renewed experience of living with a dog. The greetings, the wiggles, the cuddles, the outings to the woods, the soft scent of dog. Elwood bounds into the room and tiptoes into our hearts.




Good from sadness

Most people I know are having mood swings in this pandemic. On top of feeling isolated and penned in, there’s much to fear—for ourselves, our loved ones, our nations, and for humanity.

Reading poetry can help me when I’m in a funk, as can sunlight and the outdoors. I don’t think I can write my way out of a funk, but sometimes I’m able to put pen to page despite low spirits. There’s a chicken-egg conundrum to this; I’m not clear what comes first—whether writing helps me get away from the gloom, or I’m already on my way out and that allows me to give voice to my feelings. But they do often seem to go hand in hand.

Today, a poem I wrote near the darkest point of my recent funk—during a two- to three-day period starting on Holy Thursday of Easter week—made its way into the wide universe. “What I Fear Most” is published now on Headline Poetry and Press, and the editor who accepted it made my day by telling me it had struck home personally with them, voicing what they considered a common experience.

It’s gratifying and comforting to know that something positive can come from sadness. I’d rather not have gone through (or put my husband through) that 1 1/2-week funk. But having done so, I’m glad to think I might help someone else muddle through as well.

I intended this blog to serve as something of a social distancing diary when I started writing daily posts with the institution of shelter-in-place orders. Clearly that plan has crumbled, given the nearly two-week gap. But sometimes it’s hard to write, and hard to share. I’m forgiving myself.

Photos of the day

I used most of yesterday’s good photos in yesterday’s blog post. Here are a couple taken while the sun was out one day during my funk. Dogs on the deck—a recipe for contentedness.

So this happened…

Not long ago, on Father’s Day, I sat down and wrote a sonnet. A sonnet—my first. I didn’t share it with anyone (though I did mention it here), and I don’t recall if it was any good. And now I might never know, because it turns out that I’ve lost it. Yep, lost it—don’t remember which notebook I scribbled it in, cannot find it in my notes app or my blog drafts, it has just disappeared in the chaos of my daily life.

Meanwhile, I’ve become a published poet. (See how I just tucked that in rather than screaming it aloud, which is what I feel like doing?) My poem Old Dog is included in Escape Into Life’s annual anthology of dog poems to herald the Dog Days of Summer, where I get to share a page with some amazingly talented poets. I’m thrilled, honored, and inspired not just by this success of mine but by the beautiful work of the other poets in the collection. Please read them all; they are sometimes funny, sometimes, sad, sometimes shocking, and all marvelous. It’s hard to believe that I belong in their company. Continue reading

Sleeping dog

I sit curled on my chaise writing,
engrossed in the parsing of words, punctuation, rhythms
when the snoring dog at my feet
starts to thump his tail
and I am pulled back into the physical world
where the clamor of his dreams
and the warmth of his rump on my toetops
reminds me I am happy